I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. That’s what I’ve been telling myself every day. It may not be where I want to be, but there are lessons to be learned, and blessings to be had here.
I’ve had no luck finding a full-time job. But I have received some responses.
“Sorry, the position has been filled by someone whose resume looks much better than yours, and requires a lot less money than what you’re asking for anyway. We wish you all the best in the crappy journey of finding a job. And we’re so glad we’re not in your shoes.”
Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what the responses have said, but that’s what they sound like in my head.
I hate looking for a job!
After high school I had the opportunity to intern at a radio station, and I knew immediately that that was exactly what I wanted to do. So, to the disappointment of my family, I quit college after about a semester and passionately pursued radio instead. It didn’t take long before I got my first gig, and things quickly took off from there. One job just naturally led to the next. I hardly ever had to go out in search of my next job. I’m not saying that it was always easy, but it was always fun. I was good at what I did, the money was great, and I was having a blast! What could be better?
Then about 20 years into my radio career, I was let go from a station I had been at for a decade because of a format change. For some reason I decided it was time to look for a “grown-up” job. (You know, one of those with a desk and a phone, in a cubicle, where your boss is watching the clock to see when you come in and when you leave.)
Maybe it was that gnawing voice in the back of my head that kept popping up after every one of my accomplishments saying, “…yeah but you dropped out of college, so you’re not really that great.” I felt like I needed to prove to myself, to my family, to the lingering spirits of past teachers, that there was so much more I could do than just turn on a microphone and talk.
I dabbled in a few things since then – jobs I considered to be “grown-up” – and I did well. I got promotions, I got raises, I got bonuses, I was even voted “employee of the month” a couple of times. But I was never happy. I had sacrificed fun, creativity, and a wonderful quality of life for a mundane 9 to 5.
All because I needed to prove to the world that I was good enough? That’s nonsense!
I’m realizing now how important it is to be true to myself. I knew since high school that college wouldn’t be for me. But teachers tried to convince me that without it, I wouldn’t get very far. Thankfully I had enough faith in myself to venture out into the rocky terrain regardless of their assumptions. It wasn’t until I started giving other people’s opinions more weight than my own that the struggle began.
It’s a wonderful lesson to learn. (A painful one nonetheless.) I’m starting to see that being grown-up has nothing to do with a job. It’s about having faith in yourself and respecting your own journey. It’s about having the courage to say, “I appreciate your opinion, but I know what’s best for me.” It’s about making choices out of love, and having the faith that they’ll lead you in the right direction.
I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.